Side Effects: Unexplained Bruising

Having spent the last 10 days in close contact with my three oxen, along with Tillers' nine oxen, working steers and calves (I was helping to teach the Oxen Basics class and attending the Gathering), I've come to the realization that oxen need to come with a list of side effects similar to those medicines where the commercial's 30 seconds are divided into 10 seconds of 'what it does' and 20 seconds of 'why taking this makes it likely you'll die a horrific death tomorrow.'

I think the ad copy would go a little like this:

Oxen: a great solution to getting hay mowed, sorghum cultivated, and logs hauled.  Available in single doses, pairs, or bigger teams for those stubborn problems. 

No problems so far.  Now, onto the warning label:

Side effects may include:  
- A loss of all free time, which may be directly proportional to the quality of your fencing, housing, and water delivery system.

- An inability to simply state directions in common, local vernacular language.  Examples may include (but are not limited to): "Haw them a bit." in place of "Turn left."

Figure A

- Unexplained Bruising, particularly in your right arm, which may be worsened by driving an animal with horns that turn up and out, especially when said animal rocks his head more than most similarly-sized animals.  (see figure A).

- More unexplained bruising, particularly in the knuckles region, most especially when scrub planing white oak boards into tapers for Sterling College Interns.  

- Sore feet, most generally on the right foot, which may correlate with the number of haw adjustments  (that means 'left" for those suffering from side effect #2)  done while cultivating sorghum.  Foot soreness may radiate out in a hoof-shaped pattern, although this effect may be lessened by the softness of the ground.

- Bleeding at the site of a drawknife slice, nearly 100% related to picking up, putting down, or storing the tool and nearly 0% (ever!) related to actually using the tool for yokemaking.

- Foolish feelings resulting from telling students to be careful when storing drawknives and then noticing "Bleeding at the site of a drawknife slice."

If you experience any of these symptoms, apply duct tape and swearing as needed.